Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Fake It Till You Make It


In my years in a 12 step program, I often heard the phrase, “Fake it till you make it?” For me, it means even if you don’t feel ready, or confident, or hopeful, you act as if you are by doing what you would do if you were. Faking it by acting as if is great practice until being ready or confident or hopeful becomes real.
I’m just beginning to realize how often fake it till you make it was a lifeline for me over the last 18 months. The day I was diagnosed with uterine cancer, a boulder of fear and projection took up residence in my chest. Many mornings, that weight was the first thing I felt when I opened my eyes. My over-active imagination and sense of worry didn’t help. I’d cajole myself to close my eyes again and instead of imaging the worst, envision what I’d feel like if I felt hopeful—as if cancer had never happened. Then I’d try to act as if. Most days, faking led to lessening the weight and genuinely feeling more hope.
One morning a couple of weeks ago, I realized it had been a few days since I woke up feeling bogged down by that ever present stone.
Feeling almost-serenity instead of anxious is new and fragile—I still don’t totally trust that it’s real. One day at a time, I’m encouraged to keep faking it until I wake up one day to find serenity has taken up residence and evicted worry and fear.
I hope you'll share in comments what thoughts and worries weigh you down, and what it would take to fake it and act as if. 
And, what experience can you share about how fake it till you make it and acting as if has worked for you?

4 comments:

  1. I believe there's truth in what your say here, Carol...reminds me of the song, "I Whistle A Happy Tune". Sometimes when I feel worried or lack confidence, I sing this little tune to myself and it makes me feel better. Try it!

    Listen to it here.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGS029Peq7k

    Whenever I feel afraid
    I hold my head erect
    And whistle a happy tune
    So no one will suspect I'm afraid

    While shivering in my shoes
    I strike a careless pose
    And whistle a happy tune
    And no one ever knows I'm afraid

    The result of this deception
    Is very strange to tell
    For when I fool the people
    I fear I fool myself as well

    I whistle a happy tune
    And every single time
    The happiness in the tune
    Convinces me that I'm not afraid

    Make believe you're brave
    And the trick will take you far
    You may be as brave
    As you make believe you are

    You may be as brave
    As you make believe you are

    While shivering in my shoes
    I strike a careless pose
    And whistle a happy tune
    And no one ever knows I'm afraid

    The result of this deception
    Is very strange to tell
    For when I fool the people
    I fear I fool myself as well

    I whistle a happy tune
    And every single time
    The happiness in the tune
    Convinces me that I'm not afraid

    Make believe you're brave
    And the trick will take you far
    You may be as brave
    As you make believe you are

    Songwriters
    Oscar Hammerstein Ii;Richard Rodgers

    The King And I - I Whistle A Happy Tune Lyrics MetroLyrics

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    Replies

    1. Nancy, thanks for sharing the lyrics and link. I'd forgotten how much I love that song and musical. ​

      "You may be as brave
      As you make believe you are" lots of wisdom there.

      thanks

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  2. I don't remember what I wrote the first time but I do remember the gist of it. I am an only child and was very shy through high school. In college I learned that if I acted as if I knew what I was doing people thought I did. This attitude carried me through job interviews, speaking in front of groups, teaching a class of wiggly students, and having parent teacher conferences. I am no longer shy although I still get nervous when facing new situations.
    As a cancer survivor myself I understand about your "stone". My image wasn't a stone. I had a little gremlin that, every time I was feeling great, would remind me that I had had cancer. When I had a random ache or felt a little blue, the gremlin would remind me that the cancer could return. It was at least five years before I was able to get rid of that gremlin. Today, at sixteen years cancer-free, I only think of my fight when comforting or encouraging friends who are still battling cancer.
    So, in the words of The Little Engine That Could, "I think I can, I think I can, I know I can!" And suddenly you can and do!

    ReplyDelete
  3. thanks Mary Jane. I know you can, too :)

    I read a short essay another woman author and cancer survivor posted a few months back about her cancer gremlin and that image really resonated with me. If I can find the link, I'll send it to you.

    thanks for the extra effort to post your comment

    ReplyDelete